Kapil Sibal, the Telecom Minister of India, has vowed to clean up the internet. The internet - that sewage that carries all the scum from all the connected devices on this planet! The drain will be cleaned when it enters India, and will remain clean throughout till it flows out into the vast ocean of garbage that is the internet, outside of our pristine country!
In doing so, he who shall not be called an idiot, has achieved, or is planning to achieve these manifold objectives:
- A PhD for finally classifying the internet into Indian internet and the rest of the internet (the uncouth internet untouched by Indian culture, other Indian blahs, and the amazing healing touch of the Congress fame);
- The Indian youth (or for that matter, the other untouched innocent masses of India) can be sheltered from having to decide on it’s own, the “Ram Rajya” of the Congress and it’s allies;
- The estranged CPI(M) will be compelled to re-join the UPA alliance because Congress is attempting to put India on the same trajectory as their mothership -China. C for China, C for Censorship, C for Congress;
- According to Facebook’s statistics, it has 800 million active users, out of which 50% log on to Facebook everyday. That’s 400 million users every day, before Kapil Sibal censors mathematics (so that his statement on 2G scam losses can be covered up). Let’s assume a total of 400 million new “content” per day, assuming that 50% people post at least 2 statuses/notes/comments/blahs everyday, and the other 50% is just made up of creepy stalkers (not talking about you - Kapil Sibal). That should allow employment for 4 million Indians under the NREGA scheme if every employee is allowed to screen 100 pieces every day. Brilliant strategy to reduce unemployment! This will even decrease competition for the political class (if the word “class” can be used for them) in everyday goon-ery!
- Once Facebook/Twitter/Orkut/Blahs are free of such “objectionable” content, Indians will finally be forced to learn the arts of satire and sarcasm! Horror of horrors, we may even learn to laugh at ourselves!!
- The ones who can’t learn other ways to vent their nefarious thoughts, will finally get off social networking sites, and get productive! Let’s hope that the productivity is in no way good for our population growth! Heavens know, we don’t need any more Kapil Sibals!!
Now, before Kapil Sibal can pass that law/ordinance, let me quickly click “Publish” before the button is changed to “Submit for screening”!!
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